


Lusacan's Fire

by greygerbil



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26191768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greygerbil/pseuds/greygerbil
Summary: Felix wonders if they would have kissed, had he been braver.
Relationships: Felix Alexius/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42
Collections: Black Emporium 2020





	Lusacan's Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SheenaWilde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheenaWilde/gifts).



Felix still remembered every detail of that evening, even a month later, but when it came to the most important moment, he could not say if his memory – and hope – weren’t playing tricks on him.

He’d snatched mead and pastries covered with overripe, honey-sweet berries from the kitchen and Dorian and him had sat over old tomes that Dorian had found in the very back of the Alexius’ private library, books so old Felix was sure even his father had forgotten they existed. Though he was himself not talented enough to share in their practical research, the theories of thaumaturgy were well-known to him, and so he’d listened to Dorian excitedly tracing the old texts with interest. Felix would ask a question here and there which would launch his friend into another rapturous tale of all the ways in which he planned to take the world to pieces and look at its parts and fit them back together. A year after he had arrived here, armoured with quick jokes and a heavy, doubtful look in his eyes, it seemed Dorian had mostly set aside his fears that this new opportunity would be snatched away again and was eager to work on basically every riddle and secret his quick mind chanced upon. It made Felix’s heart lighter to see it.

They had sat shoulder to shoulder in that gloomy basement filled with books and it was the light of the one sputtering candle which forced them to keep their heads together over the text. Maybe that was all it had been, just a coincidence, when they turned to each other as Dorian ran his finger along a line on the page, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh, and then Felix had looked at him and Dorian had held his gaze and fallen suddenly quiet for a moment.

Those few seconds seemed to stretch as minutes in Felix’s memory. Dorian had turned his head away a little too quickly after hesitating a little too long, yet for a moment, Felix had been certain they were about to kiss. 

It could have all been in his head, Felix was aware. Dorian might have simply been distractedly chasing some drowsy thought or staring into space. Yet, Felix’s stomach still flipped thinking about it.

He hadn’t brought it up in the weeks that came after. Felix was not usually one to shy from difficult conversations, but this one he was at a loss with. There were too many traps to step into, too many ways to hurt Dorian or damage what they had. It would have been fair for Dorian to wonder if Felix, who’d not before shown interest in men, only thought of him as a safe choice for experiments – something he knew, from Dorian’s tales, had happened to Dorian before and which, despite every joke he cracked about it, had hurt him. It wasn’t true for Felix. Dorian, with his brash bravery, had pried open a part of Felix that he’d allowed himself to ignore because unlike Dorian, he was also interested in women, and to think he was _only_ interested in women had been so much easier. However, it hadn’t been mere opportunity and coincidence. Dorian’s singular character was what had lured Felix out of his hole of self-chosen ignorance and he’d fallen in love quite soon after meeting him.

Aside from that, though, Felix also knew his chances were not good and he did not want to put his friend in an awkward position. He had seen the men that Dorian flirted with when they were at the Minrathous circle or at celebrations. They were not only more handsome than Felix, who was decidedly plain, but more vibrant, personable, and often also on level with Dorian when it came to his research, a sizeable part of which Felix would never be able to access no matter how hard he tried.

Still, Felix hadn’t been the only one sitting there suspended that moment, had he? But a half-drunken wish was not enough to risk a friendship on.

For as long as he kept his mouth shut, thing could go on as they had, and things were good as they were. This evening they sat in the library again, books in their laps, but they had long stopped reading. Instead, Dorian was detailing a romp through a series of taverns and brothels in Vyrantium, where apparently in one evening he had managed to be thrown out of half a dozen of them in a row due to an ongoing squabble with his companions and the resulting magic fall-out.

“You really used a fire spell right in front of the owner? I can’t say I’m surprised they made you go...”

“Well, only on the hem of Corio’s robes and I had ice ready in the other hand to deal with the fallout,” Dorian said with a grin. “I probably _would_ have kicked myself out, too, but sometimes it’s more important to make a point than to finish your drink. There’s always another tavern with bad ale and a suspicious brown mass of stew on the fire.”

Felix chuckled. “I take it you and Corio aren’t friends anymore?”

“I don’t think we ever were, even before he started making comments about the animals he thought were in my family tree. He was the kind of person you can only like when you’re already three cups of wine in. You know the type, don’t you?” Dorian raised a brow. “Well, maybe you don’t, actually. I always thought that was curious.”

“How so?” Felix asked, closing his book over his finger still between the pages.

“You told me you like trouble and you seem to enjoy stories about all of my scandalous exploits.” Dorian grinned. “But the worst I’ve ever seen you do is, in fact, steal sweets from the kitchen. That’s more trouble for a ten-year-old, not a man in his twenties, isn’t it? Where are your drunken tavern tales?”

Shaking his head, Felix ran his hand over the page of the book before him. “I live through you,” he joked evasively. Dorian still sneaked out every once in a while, even though he wasn’t nearly as wild as before, so it wasn’t like the stories ran out.

“Why?” Dorian just asked.

Felix smiled, folded his hands over the book. Dorian could be difficult to shake.

“Well,” he began, slowly, “I try not to give my family cause to worry. I’m lucky, after all. Many noble parents here in Tevinter would have looked the other way when my grandfather tried to have me killed. I think, in the end, I already caused quite enough trouble for my family just being as I am.”

Dorian scoffed. “What a cesspool this country is. It should be bare minimum for parents to still care about their children even if they weren’t born like they wanted them to. You didn’t choose that.”

“I know. I agree,” Felix said gently. Dorian told significantly less of what had happened at his home when he’d still lived there, but from asides and mentions, Felix had long glanced that the situation with his father was complicated to say the least ever since it had become undeniable that Dorian would not marry a woman. “My situation is different.”

“From what? Oh,” Dorian said, raising a brow, recognition dawning on his face. “Actually, I wasn’t trying to make this about me – for once.” Shaking his head, he laid his book aside. “Getting a child who doesn’t have magical powers is a known risk. You’re not guaranteed a prodigy even if you cross-reference all the family trees. Besides, as you see with me, even getting a prodigy can backfire.” He shrugged. “I happen to think your parents are lucky to have you, considering how deeply unpleasant many Tevinter heirs are.”

Felix smiled again. When Dorian said these things, you just had to believe he meant it. The fact that Dorian had never looked down on him for his pitiful magical abilities had endeared him to Felix from the very start. Their society being as it was, someone like Dorian, outcast in his own way but at least recommended by his massive talents, would have been considered justified if he’d simply ignored Felix. He never had, though, and Felix hadn’t felt like Dorian had made friends with him just to ingratiate himself with his father, either. There were indeed many unpleasant Tevinter heirs and Dorian, to Felix, was the very best example of someone who dodged the stereotype.

“But you were the one who told me _not_ to get in trouble, remember?” he asked.

“No, I did not. I told you not to get in trouble _on my behalf_. That’s different. I think you have every right to get in trouble on your own behalf! You don’t owe your parents obedience just because they still treat you as their son. You’re your own person.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Felix allowed.

“No, I definitely am. Always,” Dorian corrected.

Felix shook his head and smiled. “So what happened after you and Curio left that tavern?”

-

The conversation stuck with Felix through the next days, not that that was especially helpful. Being reminded again of how much he liked Dorian did not calm the butterflies in his stomach whenever he was around his friend. Maybe Dorian was right, though he did not know the true context – maybe what Felix needed was to lift his head out of his math books and get a few other impressions. If he was not going to do anything about his crush on Dorian, he would have to learn to take his mind off of him.

They were still sitting at the dinner table when Felix’s parents had long left, talking about the details of their day as they so often did. Through the windows, Felix saw the sun sinking red into the Minrathous bay. He’d slept late this morning always grew restless in the evening when he did; likely, he wouldn’t sleep until way past midnight.

Perhaps, then, he should do something with his time.

“Say,” Felix asked into a brief, comfortable lull in the conversation, “if I did want to be disobedient tonight, where would I go in Minrathous? You must have a few ideas.”

Dorian’s eyes widened with feigned innocence. “Me? Why, I never. I’m a respectable man now. Of course, one _does_ hear things.” He cocked his head. “Do you really want to go?”

“It seems a fine night for it.”

“It does.” Dorian sat up straighter. “Then allow me to take you. I wouldn’t want to throw you to the wolves alone for your first time.” He winked. “Don’t worry, once we’re there, I’m letting you off the leash.”

Felix chuckled. “Where should we say we’re going?”

“Wherever you think. Your father lets you wander out of the house at all hours of the night without a second glance and as long as you chaperone me, I don’t think he expects me to do anything untoward, either. We’ll hide behind your excellent conduct.”

“Who knows for how much longer that will work?” Felix joked.

Dorian drew himself up to full size.

“Please, it takes time and effort to get my sordid reputation. I have a feeling you’ll be the good boy for a long while yet.”

“We’ll see. Should we take the horses?”

Dorian finished his wine and stood, shaking his head.

“No. Where I’m bringing you, they’d get stolen.”

-

The tavern, _Lusacan’s Fire_ , sat squeezed between two old buildings, their grey stone dark with soot. It was perilously erected of crumbling brick and damp wood and the colours on the sign, where a slightly unwieldy-looking dragon curled around the words, were already faded.

“I didn’t think we’d only walk half an hour to find a place like this,” Felix said, looking at Dorian.

“Because you always stay on the broad streets,” Dorian teased, reaching for the door. “These are the parts of Minrathous they don’t keep glued together with magic. Not as pretty, but they have their charm.”

From inside, Felix could already hear music playing, mixed with the chatter and laughter of raised voices. When Dorian opened the door, the bitter smell of alcohol mixed with the thick scent of wood smoke and charred meat.

Inside, torches barely lit a gloomy room full of humans and elves. Some sat at the bar or around the tables, in small, tightly packed groups. Most patrons were dressed plainly, in the simple, durable garb needed for physical work, but there were some whose colourful, eye-catching clothes were much too revealing to be comfortable for this cold evening and which likely hadn’t been donned just for fun. Felix only let his gaze linger briefly, since he did not mean to attract the attention of anyone who was looking to exchange affection for coin.

“Look what the cat dragged in!”

Felix turned. They were approached by a tall man with long dark hair, opening his arms wide as he showed a toothy grin. Dorian turned to him with a smile and leaned in to give him a hug, almost disappearing in the man’s embrace. Over Dorian’s shoulder, the stranger took an interested look at Felix.

“You brought company.”

“This is Felix. I’m keeping an eye on him tonight, so be nice,” Dorian said as he stepped back. “Felix, this is Turnus. He’s mostly a friend until he tries to steal my ale again. Usually doesn’t happen before midnight, though.”

“Oh, I could be _nice_ ,” Turnus said.

“I had no idea Dorian had such pleasant acquaintances,” Felix answered easily. “It’s good to meet you.”

Turnus stepped towards Felix, towering over him.

“You look like you don’t know where up or down is here. Want me to show you around?”

“I don’t know. I imagine you have no issue finding up, but down is quite far away from you.”

“That’s easy! Down is where I prefer pretty men at the end of the evening.”

Turnus was still grinning like a lion.

“See, I think you are confused. Wouldn’t the halfway point be better?”

Turnus laughed out loud and slapped Felix on the back.

“I see you will fit in here!” he said. “I’ll catch back up with you two later. Alna owes me for that round of Wicked Grace last night.”

With that, he plunged back into the tight crowd. Felix turned to find Dorian looking at him with something like bemused admiration.

“Well, if you can take him, I think you’re not going to get scared here.”

“He’s not nearly as frightening as a dowager on the war path,” Felix said.

He might not have spent much time in taverns, but he’d grown up in the higher social circles of Tevinter society. If you were in his precarious position, so obviously lacking the most important talent, you had to develop patience and at least a little wit or else you would end every function licking your wounds after hours of subtle pinpricks. Dirty jokes weren’t usually among his weapons of choice, but Felix knew to play the game he was offered.

“You’re right about that,” Dorian said, raising a brow. “Come, I’ll get us drinks.”

While Dorian approached the bar, two women came to greet him and a man waved from the other end of the room to get his attention. Dorian had a crowd wherever he went and even the stuffy Tevinter upper crust had many who could not help but like him despite all the failings they imagined Dorian had, so it wasn’t surprising to Felix that he’d managed to find company here, too.

The ale Dorian bought for them was thick enough to count as food and didn’t taste half-bad. While Felix sipped his drink, he followed Dorian over to the corner of the room where people were dancing around an old woman whose bony hands flew over a scuffed fiddle. Felix just wanted to comment on the song when he realised Dorian had been claimed again. This time, a young man had gotten his attention. He wore a simple linen shirt and leather breeches, but looked radiant nonetheless, tan skin covered in freckles and chestnut hair curling down to his chest. Bounding towards Dorian, he took him by the elbow and, saying something lost to the noise of the room, gestured towards the dance floor. Dorian smiled apologetically as he handed Felix his drink.

“I will be right back!” he called. “I’m afraid I promised a dance last time I was here.”

Thus tasked with protecting both of their ales, Felix found a spot in the corner of the room, not quite sure where to go from here. He glanced over at Turnus, but he had his back turned as he talked to a woman in leather armour. Though Turnus wasn’t his type, it would be better to keep flirting with him than to sit here feeling superfluous.

He could have tried to strike up another conversation, but there was no one close who looked like they wanted to start talking to a stranger and Felix realised that the same was true for him. It had, perhaps, been a mistake to take Dorian’s offer for companionship, though at least if he found no one to catch his interest tonight, the reminder how many other prospects Dorian had was the cold bucket of water over the head he had needed to let go off his fantasies.

Watching Dorian dance with the graceful, handsome man who fit very well into his arm felt a little too much like actively punishing himself, though. With his tail between his legs, Felix took the two ales and looked around, finally locating a rickety door in the back from which he could feel a cold draft. Cooling his head would be wise right now and Dorian wouldn’t miss his drink for a few minutes, occupied as he was.

Felix stepped outside, breathing in the clear night air and looking up at the stars for a while before he levelled his gaze at his surroundings. He stood in a spacious backyard that laid unused and unpaved, rain water from the afternoon collecting in clouded puddles on the muddy ground. 

There was also a body lying in the dirt.

Felix almost dropped the mugs of ale, then quickly placed them on the ground before he ran over. The human-shaped lump was a man who, thankfully, was still breathing. He did not smell of alcohol, but Felix saw a laceration on his forehead.

A cudgel whipped through the air, only missing his head by an inch as Felix threw himself down at the sound coming for him. He staggered and clambered to his feet, but a strong arm wrapped around his neck and pressed his head against the mass of a muscular torso.

Felix grabbed the arm with both hands and at least the struggle distracted the attacker so much that he did not try to put his cudgel against Felix’s fixed head. Then, suddenly, he went slack. As Felix glanced up at him, staggering backwards, he saw his eyes widening in horror as he stared into the dark of the night and sagged to his knees.

“Despair,” Dorian’s voice said behind him. “Nasty little spell, especially when you don’t expect it. Are you alright?”

Felix’s blood was still pumping in his ears like a drum and he could barely tell if he was hurting. With a voiceless nod he hurried towards Dorian.

“I thought you were dancing?” he managed.

He still heard the same melody inside.

“Not my favourite song,” Dorian said, looking him up and down with an expression that was too stern for his irreverent tone. “Besides, you’d suddenly disappeared.”

“Well... I saved the ale,” Felix murmured in an attempt at a joke, bending to pick up Dorian’s mug.

Dorian smiled, though he looked worried still.

“That sort of thinking is why we’re friends. Let’s get inside before we find out if this guy had comrades. Is the one on the ground alive?”

“He’s breathing, at least, though he has a head wound. I checked on him and that’s when the other man came out.”

“Bet he’s missing his purse, though. Compassion can be dangerous out here.” Dorian leaned down despite that, his hand glowing a warm blue with healing magic. He let it hover over the man’s face. “You should take me next time you go on an expedition,” he said as he rose.

Subdued, Felix nodded his head and then followed Dorian inside, happy to leave the night behind. Dorian walked through the crowd with purpose. 

“Orous,” Dorian said, rapping his knuckles against the bar top to get the attention of the man dunking mugs into a grey soup of dishwater. “You’ve got company in the back. One down, one robber currently reliving his darkest nightmares.”

Ourus gave a world-weary sigh. “Hope they at least bought some drinks before they made me trouble. Suppose I’ll send the boy for the guard.”

Knowing that at least he’d not brought down an unknown horror on the tavern did make Felix feel a bit better. The air of normalcy helped, but so did Dorian’s presence. At least it didn’t seem like he had ruined Dorian’s evening with his naiveté.

“Causing problems again, Pavus?”

Turnus stepped up behind them, looking down at the two of them.

“Solving them! My friend has the other talent, it seems.” Dorian glanced at Felix. “We’ll need to find someone to teach you how to swing a sword, at least. You don’t need magic for that.”

“I’ll gladly teach your friend how to fight with his sword,” Turnus said into the glass of wine he held, grinning.

Felix opened his mouth, still a little too shaky to think of a response, but that was when he felt Dorian’s hand between his shoulder blades.

“Thanks, we’re fine for tonight.”

And with that, Dorian marched him out of the tavern. They made it as far as the lantern next to the tavern’s sign until he suddenly dropped his hand.

“That’s – sorry. Didn’t expect to get in fight tonight.” Dorian looked sheepish. “You can go back in if you want to. Turnus has a big mouth, but he’s not a bad guy. Definitely the sort of trouble that’s a lot more fun than getting jumped in a back alley.”

Hearing the way his voice had grown a little tight, Felix realised that damnable feeling of hope he’d smothered so thoroughly this evening was blinking awake again. He shooed it away. Dorian was likely just shaken that Felix had almost gotten injured. It could have gotten Dorian into actual trouble and he was a caring sort, besides.

“Thanks, I’m fine. I think I’d rather stick with you tonight, if you don’t mind.”

It was not meant to be an implication. Even when he was not throwing spells, it was easy to feel safe around Dorian.

Dorian hummed in agreement and though it was wordless, Felix thought he looked relieved. “That was a short outing,” Dorian said. “We didn’t even finish one drink between us.”

“I won’t forget it, though.”

Dorian chuckled.

They cast long shadows on the grey pavement where they stood. Moths flittered nervously around the lamp overhead and as Felix followed the trajectory of one set of grey wings, he noticed Dorian was looking at him.

There was that sudden, fluttering feeling again, the quiet, unreadable gaze in Dorian’s eyes, and Felix knew suddenly that one way or another he needed to have an answer.

Closing the distance was at once very easy and terrifying. Then he was kissing Dorian and after a long second, Dorian’s hand came up and wrapped around the back of his neck, the other grasping Felix’s wrist.

The kiss lasted until the door creaked and a group of drunk women stumbled out, laughing as they made their way down the street, heedless of them as they shot apart. Dorian and Felix watched them leave.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said quietly.

“No,” Dorian said. “You didn’t read me wrong. I just – really tried not to do this.”

“Why not?” Felix asked, torn between happiness about Dorian’s confession and worry at his contrite tone.

He dared to look at him. Dorian rubbed a hand over his face.

“Well, your father collected me off the streets, quite literally. I didn’t really want to reward him by seducing his son, no matter how damn charming he is.”

Felix shook his head.

“You’re not a desire demon. I have part in this,” he pointed out.

“I know,” Dorian said, smiling, “though you have to admit I’d make a good one.”

“You certainly have me wrapped around your finger,” Felix admitted. “It’s not that I don’t understand you don’t want to give my father any problems and I wouldn’t want to cause a rift between you two... but I’m not my father’s property. Wasn’t that what this evening was about?”

Dorian looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before he smiled.

“You’re right about that. That’s not what I wanted to imply,” Dorian said. “And – as you see, you make quite the tempter yourself. I think I already knew I was failing. I couldn’t even leave you out of my sight for a couple of minutes tonight, especially while I couldn’t make out where Turnus was, either.”

To think that Dorian had left the other man standing for jealousy gave Felix a childish but real jolt of satisfaction.

“I was only outside because I didn’t want to watch you dance with someone else, so we’re even on that account,” Felix admitted with a lopsided smile.

They both looked out onto the broad, empty street again.

“After tonight, I think we can at least summarise that I’m really bad at this whole not getting you in trouble thing,” Dorian added dryly.

“I told you, I like trouble.”

Felix kissed him again and Dorian took him in his arms. Wherever they would go from here, Felix knew he would not have to wonder again what Dorian felt and that thought alone filled his chest with warmth.

“The next time we go out, I will dance with you,” Dorian said when they parted.


End file.
